The Brazilian Martini

By: Marjie Martini

How far does a woman have to go to feel sexy? What is it about hair that drives people completely crazy? It never ceases to amaze me the conversations that I end up having with my martini ladies. I have not decided whether it is the martinis that help remove our inhibitions or the fact that we are extremely comfortable to say anything to each other. What I do know for sure is that when we get into the taboo conversations the laughter that is produced causes most of us to have tears rolling down our faces. A few nights ago the Brazilian martini caused me to go home very sore from a few things….

Last week the girls and I went out for a casual bite to eat. We decided to share some tapas and as it turns out some deeper secrets. I also had some secrets to share, one hidden martini that makes the Mojito and Margarita seem old and grey. Once we w ere assembled in our comfy booth I ordered a round of Brazilian martinis. All the ladies perked up when they heard the name and where instantly interested in this concoction. All I revealed was that it was a killer version of a top shelf Margarita. We all know how I like everything to be “Top Shelf”! After the first sip the table erupted in “Ew’s and Agh’s and a few “oh my god’s” the best comment was from my girlfriend who said “I love it, it’s nice and nasty!” But everyone wanted to know what was in it and why I called it the Brazilian.

After a little bit of teasing I admitted that it was called the Brazilian because one of the ingredients was Cachaca, which is a sugar cane spirit from Brazil, it had not been named after the latest waxing trend. This martini is a mixture of fresh muddled lime with Cachaca and bar syrup. It is then shaken with lime vodka and a splash of aloe vera juice. The result is nothing short of incredible. A smooth refreshing martini with just a hint of lime that does not make your lips pucker. What I do love about this martini is that you will not obtain an ice cream headache or a tongue full of salt. After a few Brazilian martinis the ladies where holding nothing back.

A bomb was dropped when my girlfriend (who is ultra conservative in the sex arena) announced that she had gone for her first Brazilian wax a week ago. I was shocked! Brazilians have been around for ever and having worked in a salon for years I have always known women to get their butts waxed. What amazed me was that she had never tired it. Well, this bomb opened the door to a massive debate and discussion.

“When it comes to grooming, are we women or girls? Should the hair go or stay?”

Brazilian waxing has been offered in North America for at least 10 years. It gained popularity by 7 Brazilian sisters in New York that all specialize in the full wax job. The J.Sisters International salon offers the perfect Brazilian waxing experience. A Brazilian wax by definition is removal of all the pubic and butt hair except a small landing strip. Think porn star and you have the visual. It became trendy when different celebrities started promoting the service as ‘life changing!” that was what Gwyneth Paltrow was quoted saying after her first Brazilian.

My girlfriend did not think the Brazilian was life altering unless you count that fact that she has been traumatized ever since. She was still recovering from the pain! All the bending, twisting and yoga positions had sent her over the edge. Not to mention the wax on the labia followed by the riiiiip had almost caused her to pass out. The other ladies commented that after awhile you get used to the pain. Besides, it feels so clean and the sex is so much better. One of my girlfriends can not even have sex when she is hairy. “What sex?” commented my girlfriend? She had not let her husband touch her. Why? Because she had been red and swollen for days and by the time sex rolled around she had a 5 o’clock shadow and stubble. Very attractive! Not to mention that she had become itchy and inundated with ingrown hairs. What was the point! Plus, she swore that her lips had been stretched beyond repair and she might need a labia lip lift in the future. This comment sent the girls into fits of uncontrollable laughter.

As I sipped my martini I realized what was the point? What is the purpose of pubic hair? The only reason I knew of for pubic hair was the belief that it helps trap pheromones: the odors that make you sexually attractive. My personal theory is that God put it there for a reason and you know what happens when you mess with Mother Nature. Having been in the hair industry for years I have known many women that are obsessed with hair removal. I wondered why women want to feel like a 12 year old girl. Upon discussion with the ladies it seems to come down to feeling sexy in a nasty sort of way. Men like it because of the little girl eroticism and for them it is like tasting the forbidden fruit. But, how long does that effect really last? A Brazilian is like wearing trashy lingerie under a business suite. When it is freshly done it makes a woman feel clean, fresh and hot! It gives us the extra strut in our step. However, is it really worth the pain? Is feeling Brazilian sexy worth the RIP?

Conclusion:

The Brazilian martini will cause you to “Ew” and “Arg” it might even induce you to scream. This refreshing blend of Lime Vodka and Cachaca is smooth and clean with just a little bite of lime. Women have to go through many painful procedures in their lives, why should we endure one more just for the sake of feeling sexy? There are many alternative ways to clean and sexy hair removal that will not leave you traumatized for life. Check those ones out first before you leap into the Brazilian. The only Brazilian that you should be jumping into is the martini because it is Top Shelf Sexy. However, ladies we could always go the other direction and embrace hair and get a customized “Merkin” or pubic wig! Yes, they do exist but that is a whole other column. For now I am perfectly comfortable with less pain and more Brazilian martinis!

Intuitive Thoughts By Marjie Martini

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