The Deception

By: Marjie Martini

Everyone has told a little white lie in their lives. As children, we are taught that lying is wrong, and more times than not, we are punished if we lie. Do people continue to tell falsehoods into adulthood? When do untruths become full blown deception? How desperate does one have to be in order to deceive a person they love? The big question in all of this is, how good does a martini have to be to make you believe that lying is a good idea? This good!

The Deception Martini is sensation overload. The smell and taste are so incredible that you will believe and justify anything that anyone tells you. This incredibly smooth combination of lavender-infused Bombay Sapphire gin, muddled with fresh raspberries, is to die for. But, shake it with organic lemonade and top with Champagne, and this martini will seriously alter the neurons of your brain. With each sip, you will unwind in the relaxing aroma of lavender flowing into the sweet taste of raspberry, and ending in a slight lingering tang of lemon. The issue with the Deception Martini is that it is impossible to drink only one, or to be more accurate, it is impossible to drink only two. The Deception is a martini you will end up drinking all night, and one which will eventually lead you to believe that lying and deceiving your partner is an acceptable idea.

I always knew that martinis were the ultimate truth serum and it is commonplace for my girlfriends to come clean with me about their issues after a few "tinis". Where do you think I get all the dirt for my martini columns? But, every once in awhile, even I am shocked by what comes out of my friends’ mouths. A few days ago, my girlfriend dropped off some fresh herbs from her garden, and included some lavender. The herbs I used for dinner and the lavender went immediately into a bottle of Bombay Sapphire gin. Two days later, I invited my girlfriend over to sample her lavender, along with a new martini. We sat on my deck in the warm afternoon sun sipping the Deception Martini. Well, as you can imagine, one martini led to two and then a confession spilled out, provoking me to mix a third round of martinis.

The conversation started out innocently enough when I asked her how things were going with her marriage. What I did not expect was the confession. Now, to give you a brief history on this love affair, my girlfriend has been with this man for over ten years and over those years they have moved in, split up, and had affairs more times than we can count. The last time we counted the break-ups was four years ago, and when we hit the double digits, we decided to never count again. These two are best friends who have a deep love for each other, and God knows they have gone through a lot of shit. But, their issue is simple; she wanted to marry and have children and he did not. Two years ago they reached a compromise whereby he agreed to get married and she agreed to not have children. Yippee! They lived happily ever after, or so I thought. A year later, my girlfriend announced that she had decided to get pregnant. Well, I honestly thought she was joking and made the wise crack, "What sperm bank are you going to?" She was serious, though, and was on a mission to convince her husband that they should have a baby. I had wished her the best, but inside I was certain that she was on a mission doomed to fail, I just hoped the marriage could survive it.

Now, with the Deception Martini in hand, my girlfriend began to spill her guts. She was really desperate to get pregnant, she had visited the Medical Doctor, the Chinese Doctor, and was now taking special supplements and vitamins. She had also begun using a fertility monitor to track her cycle and tell her exactly when to have sex. I was quite perplexed because while she was telling me the details, I seemed to have missed the part where her husband had agreed to have a child. When I asked her this question, her comment was that he had not agreed, but she was positive that in his heart it was what he wanted, and once they were pregnant he would come around. I was stunned! How was this a good idea? I just reached for my martini and took the gulp of silence.

At this point, I was totally confused! Questions raced in my brain. How? Why? In the past we had discussed that her husband refused to come inside her during sex because she was not on birth control (this could be a bit of an issue in the bedroom, don’t cha think)? So, how the hell did she think she was going to get preggie? When I broached this subject, she confessed that she had been faking her period while she was ovulating so that her husband would come inside her. Now I was really speechless, and as I picked my jaw up off the ground I also went and mixed my third martini. Perhaps her confession would seem saner after another martini. With my fresh martini in hand I asked the question, "How can you do that?" Then she simply explained that she was using ketchup in the bathroom garbage, toilet, and on her underwear, and when she eventually got pregnant she would say that it must have been a miracle. When I asked her how she felt about deceiving her husband, she commented that she had no regrets and believed that it was totally for the best. She also swore she would never, ever tell him the truth and made me swear to total secrecy. That was fine by me, because at the time I thought, "Who the hell would believe this story anyway?"

After our third martini, my girlfriend caught a cab home and I was left to wander about my home in my three martini stupor, somehow thinking that deception was all okay. As I puttered about and digested my girlfriend’s situation, a subtle distaste began to form in my mouth. I could not decide if the sourness in my mouth was from the martini or from the information that had just been divulged. I realized that the distaste was definitely coming from the pit of nausea that was forming in my stomach. For the first time in my life I was disgusted by the female mind! I had heard of women getting pregnant on purpose and trapping men into marrying them, but I had never actually witnessed someone consciously going through the motions of deception. How could a woman want something so badly that she could justify any action, even a deceitful one, to get what she wanted? My nausea must have dissipated my martini buzz because suddenly I had an epiphany.

"   Gee, I wonder why men don’t
trust the female sex."

Are we, as women, really that calculating and domineering? Was the subtle art of manipulation passed down to us from our mothers and grandmothers? Or is it actually ingrained in the very fabric of our genetic makeup? Do all women possess the secret ability of deception, or is this trait only brought out when we need something from a man? This is the part that perplexed me. If we, as women, have the ability to always get what we want (and when I thought about it, me and my girlfriends usually got what we wanted) then why, when it came to men, did we always want to change or manipulate them? Why didn’t we simply partner up with a man we could accept and who didn’t need to be altered or manipulated? Duh! We always accuse men of not listening to women, but it is actually the reverse. Why do women always think they can change a man’s decision? Are we so arrogant to think we always know what is best for our partner? Oh my God! It is true what men say! Women are seriously fucked up! It was at this point that I reached for the lavender Bombay and poured myself another martini!

OMG! Everything was out of control, my martini consumption and the newly uncovered deception! My girlfriend was willing to jeopardize her marriage and bring a child into this world, all under a veil of deceit, because for over a decade she had never listened to her husband! From the very beginning, he had been open and honest, stating his preference to not have children. Having spent a lot of time with men, in work and in friendship, there is one thing that I truly respect about the species. They are simple and sometimes brutally honest. Men do not sugar coat shit, they tell it like it is. When a man makes a decision he sticks to it, and he very rarely changes his mind. I still can’t believe that after almost 20 years of dating, being in relationships, and getting married, my girlfriend still didn’t get it. You can NEVER, EVER CHANGE A MAN! You will be lucky if you can aesthetically alter him!

I decided to make some calls to a few men regarding this subject. Ten men between the ages of 30 and 50 years old were surveyed, and here are their results:

75% of men believe women are manipulative.
50% of men have experienced firsthand, or know of someone who has been involved with, a woman who has tried to or actually has deliberately become pregnant.
10% of men change their mind after making a decision.
100% of men agree with the following statement: "You can never change a man, only aesthetically alter him."

Finally, after four martinis and ten phone calls, I went to bed. However, in the morning I did not awake with a martini headache, but rather a deep disgust and sadness for the female sex. As women, we believe that we are good at communicating and expressing our emotions. Yes, we may be able to communicate, but is what we speak of authentic and honest? Maybe we should get off our high horses to listen and learn from the men around us. What if we stopped trying to change men, and began changing ourselves instead. Perhaps women need to begin making decisions and sticking to them! Perhaps women will start evolving and putting the manipulation techniques of their foremothers behind them. Perhaps they could become women who feel, speak, and act the truth, developing into women whom are beautiful and free of deception.

Conclusion:

The Deception Martini will knock you senseless. The aroma of lavender-infused Bombay Sapphire gin, combined with the sweetness of raspberry and the sour tang of lemonade, will bring your taste buds alive. Consuming this martini will alter your brain waves and your conscience, just as deception does when using it to get what you want. Ladies, it does not matter if you lie, trick, or try to manipulate a man, because only one thing is guaranteed to happen. You will end up deceiving yourself into believing that a man can change or that you can alter his decisions. When a woman uses manipulative techniques on a man, he will always be left with a sour taste in his mouth. This acidity may eventually fade, but the bitterness will always remain. Besides, no matter how beautiful a woman is on the outside, if she uses manipulation and deceit, she will always be ugly on the inside. In this case, deception belongs in only one place, the martini glass.

From the Man’s Mind

Not much to add here. This does not sound like a healthy relationship, and our friend would be better off finding a partner that does want to bring a child into this world.
Like cheating, this is deception of the highest order, and what would you do to a cheater? Divorce? Castration? First one then the other? I assure you, it’s never easy raising a child on your own. A white lie, an untrue piece of flattery, a cover up, a pick up line. Men have been deceiving women since the invention of clothing. But the strong and authentic man of your dreams knows that a loving, committed relationship depends entirely on respect of self and each other, and most importantly, on communication. You don’t have to think the same, but you do have to think together.

Compliments of "The Night Train"

From behind the Bar

Light, fun, sweet, and elegant. Just how I like my women.

This sensual martini is a heady mixture of floral, fruit, and citrus that is seduced by the addition of bubbles. Deceptively dangerous, the combination of Gin and Champagne will have you wanting to act on impulse, do naughty things, and tell lies, and the hint of innocence associated with lavender will make you feel like you’re able to get away with it all. You can dance with the Deception martini all night long, but never let it take the lead. It will be easy to justify your behavior at the time, but you will invariably pay for your actions.

Compliments of "The Night Train"
Martini Master extraordinaire

Intuitive Thoughts By Marjie Martini

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