The Housekeeper Martini

By: Marjie Martini

Why is it that things always happen when you least expect it? It is Murphy’s Law: that when you are not expecting or prepared to meet a great guy is when it happens! Aargh! Who is Murphy anyway and why did he create this stupid universal law, I would like to throttle him because it can be frustrating and embarrassing to be caught with your housekeeping not in order.

I have to confess that I am a woman who is very well put together about 95% of the time, However, every once in awhile I can get preoccupied and let a few things slip. After all I am a busy girl! Well a few weeks ago I let the housekeeping slip a little and it came back to bite me in the ass. I was so humiliated that I had to create and consume the Housekeeper martini so that I could retell the story to my best girlfriends.

Last week I invited the girls over for an afternoon of martinis tasting on my sunny patio. I had acquired a unique bottle of green tea vodka on my last surf trip to San Diego so I decided to mix up a little something, something for the ladies. Well it turned out to be a serious hit! We decided to call this martini the Housekeeper because it took several of these martinis to confess my stupidity to the ladies. The Housekeeper is a fusion of Charbay Green Tea Vodka, lemon juice, lime juice and honey. It is a martini that is perfect for a sunny afternoon. This martini is light and refreshing with a touch of sweetness that makes it hard to only have one, it seems three is the magic number, at least when it comes to confessional!

Ahhh! Confessional! This occurs on occasion with my girlfriends: it is when we have to purge our deepest secrets or current situation. It is the fastest and most practical way to get caught up on everyone’s life. The key to confessional is the martini shaker! The person who holds the shaker is the only one allowed to speak, they must tell the story of their situation and no one can comment until they are finished. Once the shaker is replaced on the table the first person to pick it up can then comment! The group can comment until the shaker is empty and then it must be refilled and passed to the next person for their Confessional!

My girlfriends have learned that the craziest and stupidest things always happen to me! The quote often comes out of my mouth “how does this shit happen to me?’ I was not looking forward to confessional because I was still embarrassed, so it was fortunate that we were on our 3rd Housekeeper when the shaker was pasted to me! This is how the story unfolded. Last week I had a crazy busy day, I had worked in the morning, gone for a run, detailed my car, bolted to a meeting and then rushed to my baseball games. After my first game I ended up having a great conversation with one of our new players, we totally clicked as it turned out we had graduated from the same high school. Our team was in a bit of a slump so we all decided to have a few cocktails prior to our 2nd game. Due to our tipsy state we ended up winning and then proceeded to the pub for a celebration. Well, Mr. Baseball seemed very infatuated with me and after a few celebratory beverages I (in a moment of delusion) invited him home. Life was great as we made out my couch until I had a flash of sanity!

“What had I done? Why did I invite this guy home?”

I could not have sex with him! I was a mess! I had not showered, I literally stunk! I had not shaved! I was at the end of my monthly visit from Aunt Flow and to top it off my bed sheets where still in the washing machine, so my bedroom was a disaster. With this slap of reality I jerked away from Mr. Baseball with a horrid look on my face and announce that there is no way in hell that I could sleep with him tonight! He looked perplexed and laughed, but then he asked Why not? I hesitated with my answer because what was I suppose to say? I stink and I am hairy? So I responded with the answer of “Well let’s just say that my housekeeping is not in order, the maid is on a holiday.” (The ladies were in fits of hysterics by this point) Mr. Baseball let out a bellowing laugh and proceeded to continue to kiss me, my guess was to convince me to change my mind. But, it did not work so after another make out session I kicked him out. Relieved I then went and had a long hot shower and fell instantly asleep on my unmade bed. Only to awake in the morning with a huge headache and the fussy memory of my stupidity from the night before. My drama was that I had to face Mr. Baseball the next week and had no idea what to say to him?

As I set the shaker on the table nobody could pick it up because the ladies were doubled over with laughter. I got the comments of “What were you thinking bring him home?” and “How do you get yourself in these situations?” One of my girlfriends suggested that when I see him next just to pretend that nothing happened. Another suggested that I should fess up and apologize for my lack of judgment. But, another girlfriend suggested that I make light of it and let him know that the housekeeper has returned from holidays and he is welcome to come over for dinner. We all laughed at that one as we toasted to the Housekeeper martini.

Conclusion:

It takes a lot to be a woman. It requires time, money and energy to keep up the female maintenance. When you are single it is easy to let it slide a little, when this happens beware of Murphy and his retarded law. You can be guaranteed that the moment a woman lets her housekeeping slip she will for sure meet a great guy! This is when the Housekeeper martini comes in handy; its refreshing blend of Green Tea vodka with lemon and lime makes you feel fresh and clean. Plus, after a few Housekeeper martinis the embarrassment that goes with the moments of stupidity is greatly reduced and replaced with fits of uncontrollable laughter. Remember, it is better to live and laugh! However, always always keep your housekeeping in order!!

Intuitive Thoughts By Marjie Martini

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